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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24316927">Before</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingseafish/pseuds/swimmingseafish'>swimmingseafish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sanderstale Universe [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, I wrote this first chapter in one day, M/M, Mentioned at least - Freeform, Near Death Experiences, Other, Possession, Violence, a lot of it, an almost-drowning, but mentioned in very vague terms, let me know if you think I need to tag anything else, several deaths are implied, some fluff at the beginning but not a whole lot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:22:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24316927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingseafish/pseuds/swimmingseafish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A small collections of fics written in the Sanderstale universe prior to the main story.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sanderstale Universe [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Jen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The journal of the second heir to the human throne, before the human-monster war.</p><p>Could also be described as the personal accounts of Princen Cal of Medeis, featuring their family and monster friends and one particularly violent Entity.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Entry 1</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>(I have a strange urge to write this like a letter, and no one’s going to read this anyways, so they won’t care if I’m a dork.)</p><p> </p><p>Hi, book of blank lined pages.</p><p> </p><p>Father says I should keep a journal and write an entry once a week. He thinks it’ll help me prepare to help rule the kingdom one day. Or at least, I suppose, to deal with paperwork.</p><p> </p><p>I mean, I guess it isn’t a bad idea. We’ll see how this goes.</p><p> </p><p>It was nice to meet you.</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 2</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Greetings, still-mostly-blank journal.</p><p> </p><p>People write important events down in journals, right? I think that’s how it works.</p><p> </p><p>Well, I had my naming day this week! I’d been SO looking forward to turning eighteen. I finally got to stand in front of the kingdom and introduce myself to the world as Calyx, they/them, second heir to the throne of Medeis. Immy was very proud of her little sibling (me).</p><p> </p><p>Prince Emile of Bellua was there, too, out of royal formality and respect. His naming day was a few months ago. I still don’t know him very well, but he seems nice, and so do his parents, which is good. Eventually, Immy and I will have to negotiate with him on things like borders and taxes, so we better at least kind of get along.</p><p> </p><p>Hey, you know what? Since it’s my naming day and I insist on writing these like letters, I might as well name you, too. How about Jen?</p><p> </p><p>(So, I like alliteration. Sue me.)</p><p> </p><p>See you next week,</p><p> </p><p>Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 3</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Jen,</p><p> </p><p>Mother and Father have been particularly stressed this week.</p><p> </p><p>We’ve been working with Bellua to build and maintain a reservoir on the Regio, which is the largest river in the area and also happens to be the border between our two kingdoms. But the negotiation of exactly where to put the dam has been an absolute nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>Why can’t we just put it by Lake Aureus? That makes the most sense. It’s basically a reservoir on its own already—just dam the river and add supporting structures to make the lake deeper. And that lake’s relatively empty of life for some reason, even though the water’s clean, so we wouldn’t be encroaching on protected species or monster homes.</p><p> </p><p>But no one asked me, so.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, hold on a second. I’m going to try something.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Back two hours later to say that Immy absolutely loved my idea and will be pitching it to our parents tomorrow morning. Huh. Maybe I should speak up more.</p><p> </p><p>Good night, Jen.</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 4</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Jen,</p><p> </p><p>I’m no longer sure if speaking up was a good idea or not.</p><p> </p><p>It’s managed to convince Immy and my parents that it’s time for me to handle a project on my own. Which should be a good thing! And I’m happy that they consider me responsible enough for that! It’s just that the project in question happens to be this infernal DAM. It’s fascinating, but the paperwork and scheduling and negotiations for workers and who does what when are absolutely EXCRUCIATING.</p><p> </p><p>Also, I’ve spent nearly every day this week with Diana, the royal architect, which, again, SHOULD have been fine, if we hadn’t gotten into an argument five years ago with her daughter that led to us completely cutting off communication. Diana would not stop talking about Daisy.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, your highness, I agree that we should add more supports on that side. By the way, have you considered asking my daughter to help? She’s becoming quite a skilled architect herself.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s such a shame that you and Daisy don’t talk anymore, your highness.”</p><p> </p><p>“Daisy actually came up with this particular design. Isn’t she doing such a good job?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strike>“Did you hear</strike>
</p><p> </p><p>I was going to keep writing out things that she said, but I got frustrated, so nope.</p><p> </p><p>I like Diana, but I had good reason to stop talking to Daisy. So, also a big nope on talking to her.</p><p> </p><p>I wish just one thing in my life was straightforward. Wait, no, definitely not. Nothing about me is straight.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>I just laughed for a good five minutes over a pun I’ve made a billion times. I’m definitely exhausted. I need to at least try to get some sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Night, Jen.</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 5</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Jen,</p><p> </p><p>Sorry, I know it’s been a month since I’ve last written, but I’ve gotten so much done!</p><p> </p><p>Diana and I completed the plans for the Vis Dam three weeks ago, and it’s been under construction ever since. I’m due to go and supervise the end of construction in a few days.</p><p> </p><p>I’m, quite frankly, a little nervous. I’ve put so much time and effort into this project, and it actually seems like it’s paying off.</p><p> </p><p>As long as it’s not like the Cat Herding Incident of 1845, I think we’ll be good.</p><p> </p><p>I’ll update this more once I can finally say the project’s complete.</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Entry 6</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Jen,</p><p> </p><p>So! Things have happened. The Vis Dam is finished, thank goodness, but that didn’t quite go as planned.</p><p> </p><p>Let me break this down for you:</p><p> </p><p>I, in my ridiculous ceremonial robes, arrive at the dam. Prince Emile’s there, along with several other monster nobles that I don’t know and a host of human and monster workers.</p><p> </p><p>I make small talk with Emile for the next hour or so until the dam’s officially complete. I learn that he really likes tea and that we both enjoyed this one children’s book series about space gem people. He is incredibly pleased to learn that I’d read it and that I am actually willing to listen to him talk about it. (People need to give this guy a place to nerd out more often, clearly.)</p><p> </p><p>Both Diana and Daisy are there. I say hi to Diana and then proceed to ignore them as politely as possible.</p><p> </p><p>It’s time for me to dedicate the dam, and I make my speech from the second-floor platform, just underneath the area that would vent water. It should be noted, and it cannot be emphasized enough, that this was not my idea. I would have been fine giving my speech from the top of the dam. But Diana decided, along with my parents, that it would be better to give a speech about the two kingdoms getting along if everyone was on the same level, literally. So, she added in a large, retractable platform lower on the structure. Why it was beneath the water vents, I have no idea. It might just be because that was in the center. Regardless, that’s beside the point.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone else stands around me, while I stand with my back to the dam. It should be noted that the water vents were supposed to be OFF.</p><p> </p><p>I finish my dedication of the dam to peace and harmony between humans and monsters, and everyone starts applauding. The vent directly above my head, determined to ruin my day, opens, blasting me and a dozen other assorted monsters and humans off of the dam and into the reservoir below.</p><p> </p><p>This was not a short fall, by the way. It was a good 200 feet down at least. The only reason we didn’t all die was that someone caught us with blue magic just before we hit the water, holding us still for a brief second and then letting us drop the remaining couple of feet into the water.</p><p> </p><p>I, also, am terrible at swimming. We—Immy and I—had to take classes as children, but we only ever had to get good enough to be able to survive. Immy’s a swimming champion. I can tread water for five minutes. I was not (and am not) equipped to survive in a raging river.</p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, just as I was about to go under for good, I felt my SOUL turn blue again. I was forcibly yanked from the water so hard that I flew over the water and smacked into my very furry rescuer. He felt so guilty that he couldn’t stop apologizing, despite the fact that he’d saved my life and he had no reason to feel sorry (as I promptly told him).</p><p> </p><p>Turns out, his name was Patton, and he’d been practicing his blue magic by working on the dam—moving parts into place alongside the other workers. His specialty is healing magic, but his parents both served in high positions in the Belluan military, so they had insisted he learn more combative magic as well. He’d done great with fire magic, he told me, but the specific SOUL magic types had proven more difficult, hence the practice.</p><p> </p><p>Right then, Emile, who’d apparently escaped being thrown off the platform by the waterfall of death, ran over, asking if I was okay. I quickly assured him that I was and that he didn’t need to worry, though it was appreciated.</p><p> </p><p>And then:</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Prince Emile Dreemurr, meet Patton Hart. He saved my life.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, n-nice to meet you, Patton.” Emile’s cheeks turned bright red as he dipped his head to Patton.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice to meet you too, your highness!” Patton said, bowing and then bouncing back up. He glanced at me, still soaking wet, and then at Emile, standing there in pristine royal robes. “I see you’re not a go with the <em>flow</em> kind of prince.”</p><p> </p><p>All three of us immediately burst out laughing, but Emile couldn’t stop staring at Patton the whole time. Prince Emile, who I’d officially decided was my friend now, clearly had a GIANT crush on the boy who saved my life.</p><p> </p><p>I went home after talking to both of them for a little while longer—and after getting a towel. My robes were soaked. I think I’m going to need new ones; I don’t trust that velvet to last after that much exposure to dubious-quality water.</p><p> </p><p>Patton, Emile, and I are planning on meeting up next week. I’m determined to play matchmaker. Also, they both seem like amazing people, and I haven’t had a close friend outside of Immy in years. (Don’t be offended, Jen—I’m counting humans and monsters, not journals).</p><p> </p><p>Wow, this entry got long. I’ll be back sometime soon. It’s after midnight and I have to debrief Mother and Father tomorrow on this whole fiasco.</p><p> </p><p>But overall, a successful day, don’t you think?</p><p> </p><p>Night!</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 7</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Jen,</p><p> </p><p>I love these two.</p><p> </p><p>First of all, there was an absolutely GOLD moment that I have to share.</p><p> </p><p>We all met up at my home, the castle in Medeis, since neither Emile nor Patton regularly made trips to the human kingdom, so I figured it’d be fun for them. Patton got there first, and we were sitting in what is best described as the living room and chatting.</p><p> </p><p>Emile, arriving next, didn’t know that Patton was there already, and for reasons unknown decided to open the door while making what were arguably the strangest noises I have ever heard in my life. It was like he was trying to be an entire orchestra introducing the beginning of a children’s play but could only generate notes via his own voice and using the vowel “da” at various pitches and intensities.</p><p> </p><p>I actually didn’t even know it was him at first, to be honest, until he stopped, popped his head around the door frame, and instantly turned bright red upon seeing both me and Patton.</p><p> </p><p>Does he just enter every room that way? Is that something he reserves for friends? Not the blushing thing, but the singing thing. I didn’t ask because he was already embarrassed, but now I REALLY want to know.</p><p> </p><p>Second, on a more general level, things I learned from this experience:</p><p> </p>
<ol>
<li>Patton probably has a crush on Emile too, based on the evidence of my own eyes. (No, Jen, I refuse to elaborate. That would take up at LEAST all the rest of your pages.)</li>
<li>Patton will make puns endlessly unless he is stopped. (And Emile will definitely not stop him ever.)</li>
<li>Emile will reference various fantasy books endlessly and cannot be stopped. (This is not a bad thing. He clearly loves them.)</li>
<li>Patton, despite being the only one out of the three of us that isn’t an heir to a throne (and the youngest by a couple weeks), has the best head for leadership and politics.</li>
<li>All three of us care too much, apparently, and have been told so several times by our family and friends, especially Emile. He says not to hold it against his parents, though.</li>
<li>Patton’s a pacifist and refuses to fight anyone in a real battle, though he is trained for it. Luckily, there aren’t really any real battles he’d need to fight in. We’re lucky enough to live in a remarkably peaceful time.</li>
<li>Emile is simultaneously stronger and weaker than you’d think. He’s built, with broad shoulders and muscles clearly built up from years of training. But we practiced fighting together, and he’s the most skilled at magical attacks. His trident is really something else. I’m a skilled martial artist, but I’m not a mage, so I can only beat him about half the time.</li>
<li>Emile is trying to grow a beard with only VERY limited success. I asked him why he bothers when he already has more than enough hair, and he bopped me (very lightly!) on the head with his trident.</li>
<li>I laugh a whole lot more around Emile and Patton than I normally do.</li>
</ol><p> </p><p>The only other person I’ve been this close to was Daisy, but she broke my heart at age thirteen and I have no desire to revisit that experience. (Maybe the fact that I’m still stuck on it five years later is an issue. There really should be like…mind doctors or something to help with things like that.)</p><p> </p><p>But anyways, I’m not in love with either of them, for sure. Though Immy would get a kick out of it if I fell in love with Emile—she’d say I managed to arrange my own marriage.</p><p> </p><p>I do love them as friends, though, even though we haven’t spent too much time together. I think I get attached quick.</p><p> </p><p>Hopefully we’ll get to do this again a lot in the future.</p><p> </p><p>I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to write in the next few months. Harvest season’s coming up, and I still have to do maintenance on the dam. But I’m dedicated to this now, even though I think my dad’s forgotten he suggested it. Don’t worry, Jen. I won’t abandon you.</p><p> </p><p>Have a good few months,</p><p> </p><p>Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 8</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Hey, Jen. It’s been a while, huh?</p><p> </p><p>I had a feeling it was going to be hard to keep this up consistently.</p><p> </p><p>Anyways, I’m nineteen now, so there’s that! And yes, past me, you did get to hang out with Patton and Emile much more, don’t worry—I’m now confident in calling them my best friends. And they’re still dancing around each other like the goofballs they are. (To be fair, they’ve had more pressing concerns recently.) Even Emile’s little sister, Princess Linda, needles him about Patton constantly. That’s a good sister right there, and I say this with the full knowledge that I would hate it if Immy did this to me.</p><p> </p><p>I also got to meet Patton’s friend Camden, a tortoise monster, and Camden’s little brother Gerson, who is the most optimistic child (and potentially person) on the face of the planet. Camden wants to be a professional photographer someday, and his work is excellent. He’s hilarious and laughs at pretty much any badly planned joke, which I’m starting to think is a prerequisite for being Patton’s friend.</p><p> </p><p>And Gerson—I still cannot get over him. He’s seven years old and knows so much about the world and current events, but he never lets it affect him negatively. He always looks at the bright side. A monster kid like that, even if he’s not a boss monster, is going to live for centuries.</p><p> </p><p>Oh yeah, current events. I guess I should put that in here too. God knows I need to talk to someone about it.</p><p> </p><p>Tensions between humans and monsters are on the rise and have been pretty consistently for the past year. I didn’t know until three months ago when a skirmish broke out on the border—right by the Vis Dam, in fact. Three humans were grievously injured, and one was killed, but five monsters in total were turned to dust.</p><p> </p><p>Immy and my parents had been trying to handle it quietly with Emile and his parents, but there have been an increasing number of humans terrified of monsters in recent years.</p><p> </p><p>Someone—a librarian named Silenda—went through the records of the battles between humans and monsters from centuries ago. She found out that monsters could absorb human SOULs while humans couldn’t absorb monster SOULs, and she told her brother, who unfortunately was both unable to keep his mouth shut and worked for a very popular newspaper. The information spread quickly, and there are some in our kingdom who have used it to stir up fear.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t quite understand it. There haven’t been any wars between Bellua and Medeis since before my parents were born, and I thought everyone knew that most monster SOULs disappear immediately after death, while most human SOULs linger for a minute or so. This isn’t really that big of a leap, even though it is new information for me as well, and it really shouldn’t change anything.</p><p> </p><p>But, of course, it does. Most people don’t think like me, I guess.</p><p> </p><p>I actually was a little hurt that my parents didn’t trust me or Immy with this information, though. And that once they did let us know, they only told Immy. She had to tell me. But I do understand. She’s the Crown Princess. She’ll be queen one day.</p><p> </p><p>But I’ll be her advisor and strongest supporter. Shouldn’t I know, too?</p><p> </p><p>Ugh. I’m still bitter about this and it’s not remotely the point. Let it go, Cal.</p><p> </p><p>The point is that we’re starting to see skirmishes on the border, and neither ruling party wants that. But both countries have so far been unable to stop the fighting. The small factions are operating independently of the leadership.</p><p> </p><p>We might have to call in the military to calm down the situation if it gets any worse, and I can’t see that going remotely well.</p><p> </p><p>I said at the beginning of this entry that I’ve still been seeing Patton and Emile. And I have. But it’s gotten a lot less frequent over the last three months.</p><p> </p><p>Patton’s been working with the medical corps of the Belluan military and volunteering on the “front lines” of the skirmishes, healing whoever he can. Camden’s out there with him, documenting everything for posterity. Gerson mostly stays home, but Camden’s had to bring him once or twice when their parents were busy.</p><p> </p><p>Emile’s doing his best as Crown Prince, but it’s been hard on him. He doesn’t hold much power on his own yet, and he feels like if his parents can’t do anything, what could he possibly do?</p><p> </p><p>I’ve been reaching out diplomatically to the leaders of the small factions as best I can to try to get them to stop. Silenda’s actually been helping me; she’s a surprisingly fast writer, and incredibly brave and strong and a true believer in justice. She also blames herself for everything that’s been going on.</p><p> </p><p>I’ve told her repeatedly that I, at least, don’t blame her, which is true, I don’t. I blame her brother, a little, and the newspaper some, but mostly I blame the people who decided that the only answer to being scared is to kill.</p><p> </p><p>Why did I have to jinx everything by writing that we live in peaceful times?</p><p> </p><p>I wish I could have a conversation about this with someone besides you, Jen, but everyone’s just so busy and overwhelmed and stressed. All I can do with them is endlessly throw solutions around and have none of them work out. At least I can get my thoughts out this way.</p><p> </p><p>Until next time.</p><p> </p><p>- Cal</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[On the next three pages, several entries were started and then scratched out.]</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 9</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Jen—</p><p> </p><p>I turned twenty, and I think I might be losing my mind.</p><p> </p><p>We tried military intervention. It didn’t work. Our soldiers, instead of holding the monsters back and protecting our own citizens, decided to go rogue and wipe out the entire monster battalion.</p><p> </p><p>Bellua and its rulers were rightfully devastated and furious, and they were about to declare war on us.</p><p> </p><p>My parents, Immy, me, and several other councilors held a meeting in the throne room to determine our best course of action. Eventually, they got around to asking my opinion.</p><p> </p><p>I opened my mouth to suggest literally anything other than war. Reparations, peace talks, giving up territory. My best friends were monsters and I had—and still have—absolutely no desire to fight or kill them or their families.</p><p> </p><p>But then I felt like my body was taken over by a stranger. I couldn’t control my movements or my voice. I watched, a horrified passenger in my body, as my voice made a persuasive argument for declaring war before Bellua could.</p><p> </p><p>And they <span class="u">listened</span>.</p><p> </p><p>My parents. My sister. All the councilors.</p><p> </p><p>They listened.</p><p> </p><p>And they declared war.</p><p> </p><p>What’s wrong with me?</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t—didn’t—say those things.</p><p> </p><p>I love my friends so much that it feels like I have a star living in my chest. And now I might lose all of them.</p><p> </p><p>Sil couldn’t speak when she found out what I’d done. She just quietly gathered her things and left, tears running down her face. I love her too, and I’ve never told her.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t speak at all. The thing in my body wouldn’t let me. I’m not certain why it’s letting me write this now, but I can still feel it in the back of my mind. I tried to leave the room, and it turned me right back around and made me sit at my desk.</p><p> </p><p>Who do I go to for help? Who would believe me? Even if I could tell them and they did believe me, what could they do?</p><p> </p><p>What the hell is going on, Jen? What is this thing? Why does it want war?</p><p> </p><p>What do I do?</p><p> </p><p>What can I do?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 10</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It happens nearly every day now.</p><p> </p><p>The Entity—that’s what I’ve chosen to call it—comes for me in the morning. I go through my routine mechanically, or, at least, my body does. Then the Entity and I join the royal council to make plans and move troops.</p><p> </p><p>I’m a general now. Me. All I ever thought I would do was help Immy and deal with bureaucracy. And maybe build more dams.</p><p> </p><p>I fight on the field, too. The Entity favors lightweight javelins and shatters SOUL after SOUL with them.</p><p> </p><p>I think dust is permanently stuck to my boots.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t make it stop.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 11</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The Entity knows I exist. They know they’ve taken over my body. But they don’t seem to care.</p><p> </p><p>Immy’s worried about me. But she’s all for the war now. She’s afraid now, too. And the Entity exerts control even when it’s not speaking for me. I can’t take its words back, and I can’t tell her what’s wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Patton’s worried about me. He’s tried to send me messages using the little spiders that serve the matriarch of the Spider Clans. The Entity won’t let me write back or even read them, and it hurts every single time. The most I’ve managed to do is protect the spiders. The Entity wanted to squish them.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t know if Emile’s worried about me or if he even cares. I’ve seen him leading charges on the battlefield, too. I don’t know if he’s seen me, but I hope not.</p><p> </p><p>I haven’t heard from Sil. The Entity won’t let me reach out to her, either. But I thought I saw her next to Emile, once. I hope she’s safe, or as safe as anyone can be in this broken world.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 12</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I caught my reflection in the mirror today when the Entity was in control. They turn my eyes this weird pale red color. It’s not even pink. They just dull my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Appropriate, I guess.</p><p> </p><p>I’m twenty-one today, for whatever it’s worth.</p><p> </p><p>Why am I still writing?</p><p> </p><p>Why are they still letting me?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 13</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The Entity can control time.</p><p> </p><p>Today, I managed to break free of their control for a split second and shatter a bottle of squid ink on a table filled with valuable intelligence. I could sense how angry they were. And, of course, how angry everyone else was. Immy just about took my head off.</p><p> </p><p>But then I felt a warm sensation in my chest, blinked, and somehow it was 7 AM that morning again. I saw a flicker of bright golden light for just a second before the Entity, still irritated, quickly ran through my morning tasks again and headed back to the throne room. They kept me on a tighter leash this time, and I didn’t have another chance to break free.</p><p> </p><p>How did they do that?</p><p> </p><p>More importantly, if they’re controlling MY body, is that something THEY can do or something I can do? Because if I’m the one who can do that…</p><p> </p><p>I actually have motivation for the first time in what feels like forever. I need to conduct some research.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[The next page clearly had something written on it, but it’s been scribbled out several times over and is illegible.]</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 14</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing most of my research at night. The Entity has far less control at night. I think they must need to sleep, too, or something.</p><p> </p><p>I also try to stay awake all day. I need to keep tabs on what they’re doing with my body.</p><p> </p><p>Hence why my brain is dead right now. But I need to catalog what I’ve found.</p><p> </p><p>My SOUL is red. I’ve known this since I was a small child. SOUL colors are logged at age five, as soon as it’s definitely safe enough to enter into the sort of magical connection necessary for a SOUL to appear on someone’s chest. (It’s mainly done as a traditional thing and to check if you’re a mage or not—mage SOULs look a bit different, I think, but that’s not relevant right now.)</p><p> </p><p>No one else in my family has a red SOUL. Immy’s is purple, Mother’s is dark blue, and Father’s is green. (Sil has a yellow SOUL.) All monster SOULs are white—they’re almost entirely made of magic.</p><p> </p><p>I’ve never met anyone else, as far as I know, with a red SOUL. That’s what started me on the track of thinking that SOUL colors might be more important than I previously thought.</p><p> </p><p>According to the old texts I found in the library, all the other SOUL colors are thought to be linked to personality traits or convictions. Light blue is patience, orange is bravery, dark blue is integrity, purple is perseverance, green is kindness, and yellow is justice. But red is never labeled, not in any of the texts I looked at.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, at the very back of the library, just as the sun was coming up, I found a book so old and covered in dust that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to read it before it fell apart.</p><p> </p><p>That book said that red SOULs store immense power, but they’re not linked to any specific trait. Red SOULs are said to be blank slates. People used to be afraid of them, apparently, because they feared those with red SOULs could be possessed by demons.</p><p> </p><p>Well, if the Entity isn’t a demon, I don’t know what the fuck it is.</p><p> </p><p>The part I still don’t get is the “immense power” line. The only humans who can use magic are mages. I’m not a mage.</p><p> </p><p>But I’ve never tried to see if I could control time because as far as I knew, that was impossible, and it’s a little late to learn. Anyone who learns magic is taught young so that they can properly control their power. I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to learn magic now.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t even really know if I HAVE magic to learn. There’s always the chance that this could in fact be the Entity’s power, not mine, and I’m going on a wild goose chase in the middle of a war.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t have much else to do, though, do I, Jen?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[The next pages are filled with tally marks and scribbled notes in various different pencils and markers. There are drawings of SOULs on several of the pages, and spilled candle wax and dried tears adorn a few as well.]</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 15</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Well, I still can’t make those glowing time-points. But I do actually have a surprising amount of stored magic. It was just sitting in the center of my SOUL. I would never have figured out how to access it if it weren’t for the Entity. At least they showed me how to get to the magic, even if I don’t know how to shape it.</p><p> </p><p>They use it constantly, resetting time whenever they say something that they consider less than optimal. They’ll just reset and repeat that moment over and over again until it meets whatever the fuck their standards are.</p><p> </p><p>We’re four years into the war, now. I skipped noting a couple of birthdays in there, somewhere, because when the fuck would I write, but I’m twenty-four now. Twenty-four, and there’s still a demon living in my head, forcing me to kill. Or whatever it is. If it’s not a demon, it’s as close as anything could come.</p><p> </p><p>Emile’s parents were assassinated last year. Not by me, but the Entity supported it. My parents are still alive, but I’m not sure how long that will last, giving the blood-and-dust nature of the world right now.</p><p> </p><p>Immy’s taking on more and more work. She makes motivational speeches to the troops daily and has fought alongside the Entity on the battlefield. She fights willingly. I admire her bravery at least, I suppose.</p><p> </p><p>I know Sil’s one of Emile’s top tacticians now, thanks to the intelligence the Entity has gathered. I’ve seen Camden’s war photography, including a photo of Gerson, much taller than he used to be but still just a kid, standing out in front of their home with a giant hammer in his arms. Patton’s still working on the front lines, healing as many people as he can. He still refuses to fight. I admire him so much for being able to make that choice and stick to it. I wish my hands were still clean.</p><p> </p><p>Linda’s serving under Emile now, too, but as a soldier. She’s far too young for this.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe we’re all too young for this.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, I wonder if the war is even the Entity’s fault. If I was the tipping point or just a piece in the machine.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it would have happened anyway.</p><p> </p><p>I’m not sure if that’s comforting or horrifying.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 16</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I found my ability.</p><p> </p><p>But I don’t control time—or at least, I don’t know how.</p><p> </p><p>I erase.</p><p> </p><p>The Entity stayed down in the dungeons—that’s another thing we never used to have, or at least use, here, really—for a while, trying to interrogate monsters about troop placement. They stayed past sunset, so I had a little bit more control than usual. Not much, and it wouldn’t last, but it was something.</p><p> </p><p>I reached out with just a little bit of my magic and tried to make one of those glowing stars that allow the Entity to reset. I don’t know what I would have done if I succeeded—maybe kept resetting the world until they gave up and left back to wherever they came from. Instead, one of the prisoners cried out.</p><p> </p><p>“Where am I? What happened?” They looked around wildly. “Wait…WHO am I?!”</p><p> </p><p>That absolutely wasn’t what I meant to do. And I couldn’t figure out how to bring the memories back. It looks like, when I erase memories, they’re gone for good.</p><p> </p><p>But I needed to figure this out. I tested my power on one more prisoner and figured out that I can erase only specific memories if I try hard enough.</p><p> </p><p>Writing this out, I’m shocked at myself. I’m experimenting on people. And I don’t even feel that bad about it.</p><p> </p><p>What’s wrong with me? I’m so numb to suffering at this point. I’m numb to the world.</p><p> </p><p>The Entity was confused and frustrated by the whole situation and took us back upstairs. Sometimes, despite all the violence, they feel like a petulant child to me.</p><p> </p><p>I miss Patton, Emile, Camden, and Gerson…and Sil. But they’re better off without me.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t know what I can do with this power. I’ll keep fighting the Entity. Maybe I can break free. Maybe that’ll be enough.</p><p> </p><p>I had a thought just now. Is it only memories that I can erase?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>[There’s an interval of at least twenty blank, crisp pages. They look newer than the rest of the journal, somehow.]</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Entry 17</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s almost over. After five years, it’s almost over.</p><p> </p><p>I managed to free myself from the Entity for now. I won’t say how because I don’t have time to explain, but they’re not fully gone. I can still feel them, and they’re happy.</p><p> </p><p>Medeis won the war, if you can call it that. Sil, as the monster ambassador, and I managed to get Immy to agree to seal the monsters underground rather than exterminate them. The war’s done a number on us all.</p><p> </p><p>Sil still hates me. She doesn’t understand. She can’t. She never will. Neither will any of them. They’ll all hate me forever.</p><p> </p><p>Sil has teamed up with a group of mages to create the Barrier. She’ll plan it and they’ll build it.</p><p> </p><p>The Entity doesn’t like this. They want to kill all the monsters.</p><p> </p><p>I won’t let that happen.</p><p> </p><p>Camden’s dead. Linda’s dead. My parents are dead. Immy, Gerson, Patton, and Emile are still alive, and so are thousands of others. You don’t get to take them too, do you hear me, you absolute sack of shit?</p><p> </p><p>You think this is a game.</p><p> </p><p>You think that what you do doesn’t matter.</p><p> </p><p>It matters to me. It matters to Immy, and Sil, and everyone else in my world.</p><p> </p><p>After we seal the monsters underground, I’m going to erase you from this world. I’ll erase you, and I’ll erase the memory of monsters and magic ever existing from the minds of every human on this planet.</p><p> </p><p>I’ll almost certainly die in the process, but I don’t care. They’ll have a future, and the monsters will be safe from you and the humans like you.</p><p> </p><p>There’s no future for me anymore.</p><p> </p><p>You’ll have no host and no memory of your purpose or identity. You’ll be gone for good.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll be safe. They’ll be safe. They’ll be safe.</p><p> </p><p>I love you. All of you. More than words could ever say.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for everything, Jen.</p><p> </p><p>Goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>- Princen Calyx of Medeis</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry, I'm still working on the next chapter of Sanderstale. I just got inspiration for this prequel, so I wrote it. In one day. I'm not sure how that happened.</p><p>I'll probably come back to the prequel world eventually and focus more on Patton and Emile, and maybe some of my OCs at some point, too.</p><p>I am playing very fast and loose with literally everything about human history in this universe. I have decided that I love world building, but I don't have the time or patience to figure out what the entirety of human history would be like with monsters in it. This takes place in the mid-1800s, but that doesn't have all the same meanings as it would if I set it in the actual mid-1800s in our world. I'm kind of Lemony Snicket-ing it.</p><p>This also is my explanation for why there is no "player" in Thomas' world: Cal banished the player from the world centuries before Thomas was born.</p><p>Anyways, hope you enjoyed this tangent of a fic!</p><p>ETA: Fixed a couple of grammatical errors and explained a few things a bit more.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Spider Letters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Patton's unread letters to Cal.</p><p>All save the last one were written during year 1 of the war.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>We’re at war. And I haven’t heard from you.</p><p> </p><p>Are you okay? What’s going on?</p><p> </p><p>Love,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>Please send me something. It doesn’t have to be much. A single word would be enough.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t want to <em>bug</em> you, but I’m worried.</p><p> </p><p>(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)</p><p> </p><p>Emile just pointed out that spiders aren’t technically bugs. I’m still keeping that line.</p><p> </p><p>Please respond soon.</p><p> </p><p>Love,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>I still haven’t gotten any messages back from you. Are your parents stopping you from responding? Is Immy? It seems unlikely, but I don’t think you’d choose not to respond.</p><p> </p><p>Let me know if you need help. I’m not sure what I could do from Bellua, but I’ll do my best.</p><p> </p><p>I’m in the castle with Emile and my parents, so I can deliver messages to them, too.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe I’ll see if I can get a bigger spider to send you some of my pie and cookies next time. All you <em>knead</em> is love, right?</p><p> </p><p>Stay safe, please.</p><p> </p><p>Love,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>Emile’s on the field, now. He’s serving as a general. I wish he didn’t have to fight; I worry about him every day. He tries to do as little damage as possible, but lives are still lost every day.</p><p> </p><p>I’m working on the border with Camden, trying to heal as many people as I can.</p><p> </p><p>What’s happening with you?</p><p> </p><p>If you’ve sent me anything back, it’s gotten lost in transit. I’ll tell the spiders to be extra careful.</p><p> </p><p>Love,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>My parents died today.</p><p> </p><p>They died defending the border and my hospital from an oncoming wave of thousands of human soldiers. They died protecting me.</p><p> </p><p>Who ordered this? Why are your parents targeting field hospitals?</p><p> </p><p>I know it’s not your fault we’re at war. It’s not Emile’s fault, either, or Immy’s. That doesn’t make it better.</p><p> </p><p>You still haven’t responded. I miss you. I hope you’re still alive.</p><p> </p><p>Immy, if you’re reading this, please tell me what’s happened to Cal.</p><p> </p><p>Love,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>Sil came to the castle today. She said that you were the one who convinced Medeis to go to war. I’m not sure I believe her. But she’s never lied to me.</p><p> </p><p>Is she right?</p><p> </p><p>I don’t want to believe her.</p><p> </p><p>Tell me what’s happening, please,</p><p> </p><p>Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dear Cal,</p><p> </p><p>I visited the Spider Queen Mia today. She told me that her last messenger nearly died when you tried to stomp on them.</p><p> </p><p>You’re not a pacifist like me, but you’ve never been violent, either.</p><p> </p><p>I know it’s unlikely that you’ll respond, but if you read this, please, tell me what’s wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Please send me something.</p><p> </p><p>- Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cal—</p><p> </p><p>I saw you on the field today, and I was close enough to run a check on you. Your LV is 30.</p><p> </p><p>What have you done?</p><p> </p><p>Well, that’s a ridiculous question. I know exactly what you’ve done. You’re apparently half the reason Medeis is “winning” this war. I saw how brutally you kill. You look like you enjoy it. You don’t look like yourself anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Was this war your fault?</p><p> </p><p>If you still feel anything at all for me and the others, stop, now. You must know what you’re doing is wrong.</p><p> </p><p>This will be the last letter I send. I won’t risk any more messengers for you.</p><p> </p><p>- Patton</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To: Princen Calyx Regalis</p><p>From: Lord Patton Hart</p><p> </p><p>I don’t think you’ve read anything I sent you five years ago, so why would you read this?</p><p> </p><p>But I won’t be able to see you before all monsters are exiled underground, and I certainly won’t see you after. And I need to get this off my chest.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes I feel like there are two of you. The Before-Cal, and the After-Cal.</p><p> </p><p>Before-Cal was one of my best friends. They made goofy puns with me and teased me about my crush on Prince Emile. They were funny and proud and smart and warm and a little lost.</p><p> </p><p>After-Cal haunts monsterkind’s dreams. They slaughtered countless monsters. They killed Princess Linda and my friend Camden when they tried to protect patients who couldn’t defend themselves.</p><p> </p><p>So, to Before-Cal:</p><p> </p><p>I’m sorry for whatever happened to you. Emile and I finally got together; did you know that? I wish I’d had more of a chance to make fun of you for your crush on Sil. You two would have been cute together. She still cries for you, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>I miss you more than you will ever know, and I love you.</p><p> </p><p>To After-Cal:</p><p> </p><p>I will never forgive you for what you’ve done. I hope you burn in hell. Don’t come near what’s left of my family ever again.</p><p> </p><p>You’re the only reason I’m glad to be leaving the surface.</p><p> </p><p>Goodbye.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Much shorter than the last chapter, but here you go!</p><p>I'm now going to go see if I can finish up chapter 5 of Sanderstale. My brain hurts from writing angst for Patton and Cal, so let me go write some angst-tinged fluff for Chara and Thomas.</p><p>Also, here's Cal's playlist:</p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2JbwR93phrrnGo1ljEg2yJ?si=mNTHVN7tQdy--z2HRYQpig</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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